SELFIE OBSESSION – Vanity or Empowerment ?

Phone gallery filled with duck- face pouting selfies? If this sounds like you, Then High Five ! Same here . And I use filters too. Cannot even imagine clicking a picture without one.

Trying to look a shade brighter, removing those dark circles and stubborn acne marks, or adding a little glow to our face; we all have been there. And then we post those selfies on social media and WhatsApp status, smiling to glory seeing “Likes” and comments. Basically what we are actually searching for is validation. Just like how a drug addict needs his supply, we tend to get our supply in the form of approval from others.

But, is it possible to look drop dead gorgeous all the time? Atleast I cannot. So then, I straighten my hair, apply make up and only then do I click my selfie and that too with filters. Because like every other girl, I too want to look pretty all the time when I know in reality, I can’t.

Well, to be honest, Selfies aren’t all that wrong. I mean, it creates memories and is an effective way to communicate. I can choose how I want to look, so the idea of expressing oneself the way we want to look is empowering and let’s not deny, a good selfie does give confidence boost.

So are selfies a tool of empowerment or vanity? It depends. It’s a boon because it is a tool that enables self expression but a bane, if used exclusively for seeking validation.

We have created a false self or the ideal perfect illusion of us. It’s time to drop our masks and embrace ourselves. Our real self, not the perfect false self which we have created.

An ode to a ‘NOBODY”- Why am perfectly fine being Mediocre

“Don’t settle for AVERAGE. You were made for greatness ” – Victoria Osteen

“All I knew is that I never wanted to be average” – Michael Jordan

Don’t these quotes look absolutely wonderful on paper? Being ‘Average’ is abhorred and detested. But is ‘Mediocre’ or being ‘Average’ really the worst thing in life ?

I am an average girl, nothing special , A NOBODY and am perfectly fine with it. Shocked? Since our childhood, we are psychologically conditioned to prove that we are the best, be it getting good grades in school, doing well in sports, getting admission into the best college, being a social butterfly and making lots of friends, and a seven figure salary. If every human being turns into someone extraordinary, then No one will remain ‘Extraordinary’! Not everyone can be Michael Jordan, Einstein, Sachin Tendulkar or The Prime Minister.

People are afraid to accept that they are ordinary and average just like others, nothing extraordinary. Yes, You all are average. Not only the amount of effort and hardwork you put, but also how you deal with failure is what makes you better than others. Let me give an example, If I decide to lose 10 Kgs in one month , it may not happen and I will end up feeling disheartened. So set up REALISTIC GOALS and then work towards it. What matters is not how to avoid failing but rather learning how to GET UP AFTER YOU FALL.

When we set up incredibly high standards for ourself, we may feel like failure when we don’t meet our own expectation. Our inner voice shames us. Now this can be dangerous. Let me explain this through a simple example- An Onion. The ‘true self’ at the centre is protected by outer layers. Let’s call these outer layers – ‘False Self’. As a defence mechanism, our brain may create a false ideal self to protect our true self. Just imagine how painful it would be for the person to face himself and the world when this “False self ” shatters. It may also lead to anxiety, depression and other mental health issues.

Don’t let your grandiose delusions trap you. There are innumerable success stories all around us but nobody talks about their failures. Thomas Edison failed 1000 times, but many of us don’t know that because he was successful the 1001th time.

Am I saying do not dream big ; No! It’s good to set high goals but DO NOT GIVE UP WHEN YOU SLIP. Even if you work hard, its not possible to attain everything you want. Life doesn’t work that way. Getting good grades, job, high salary etc can be part of your life but Don’t make it your life.

You were not born for being the next President or Mother Teresa. You were simply born because your parents had sex without protection. So don’t beat yourself up when life doesn’t go the way you want. Love yourself and learn from every mistake you make because even making mistakes mean you are trying.

Do NOT let fear of failure or being judged stop you from experimenting or doing things you want to. Do NOT feel afraid to voice your opinion or to take risks. I ventured into blogging accidentally a month back, after I discovered my love for writing. I had left my job at IBM few months back, and cut off with most of my friends after my face got ravaged with acne. I used to stay couped up in my room, scared to face people and resorted to writing. I can proudly say Producer-Writer Vinta Nanda followed me on Twitter after a #MeToo article I had written went viral.

Success is not final and failure is not fatal, so do not get disheartened when things don’t go your way. It’s okay to be average. Yes! I am “Mediocre” , a “Nobody” and am perfectly fine with it.

LOVE ME For What I am

Ever been admired or loved? Isn’t it a magical feeling when someone treats you like a princess and says you are the most beautiful girl in this world. When it is so easy to love others , why is it so difficult to fall in love with yourself?

  • I wish I could look like her
  • I wish I was that thin
  • I wish I had her flawless skin

Why do we keep comparing ourselves with others? Why try to be like someone else ? Isn’t original better than a copy? If you grew up hearing you aren’t good enough, it becomes difficult to believe in yourself. Why are we so cold hearted when it comes to ourselves? Forgive yourself and move on. Isn’t Self acceptance better than self resentment?

Being overweight during my teen years, I have always fantasized myself having a Victoria secret model body someday. I may not look drop dead gorgeous, I may not be an A grade student, but I am empathetic and kind hearted. I have compassion and integrity. I am humble and grounded, but unfortunately all of this doesn’t hold much value in today’s society.

I am tired and sick of being someone else all the time. I won’t lie and say that I am in love with myself, but I am trying to, and that’s a start. Why should I give others a chance to hurt me? Whatever happened, good or bad, Reliving it won’t do me any good. I am not going to allow myself to be controlled by my past or others opinions. Unfortunately, I am my biggest critic. So from now onwards I am going to avoid all the unnecessary negative self talk. I am going to look in the mirror and repeat everyday before going to sleep…… I LOVE YOU. It’s time I start loving myself.

I came across few lines by Joybell C and would like to share it with all of you.

“The only person who can pull me down is myself and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore. You may be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment you use to criticize yourself is a moment of your life wasted and thrown away. “

It took me a lot of time to understand that there is nothing You cannot achieve if you believe in yourself. Do you agree that believing in yourself increases your potentiality? Do you truly love yourself?