Challenges of being dusky in India

In India, where being fair is glorified and considered synonymous with being beautiful, if you are dark-skinned then definitely it has not been a cakewalk for you. We had asked our readers to share their experiences and challenges that they faced due to society’s obsession with lighter skin.

Read on these stories by three women who are dusky and lovely .

APARNA

We spoke to Aparna Ajith, a South Indian from Kerala who has lived in Gujarat for the past 20 years of her life, and she revealed how she was always judged for her complexion and it ended up making her feel miserable.

“Kids used to compare me to the colour of a road, call me a crow or would mock at me saying “Kaali” implying black girl. I was upset with my looks. I used to be depressed most of the time and cursed myself for having a dark complexion. I felt like asking my mom at times if I was adopted. Probably because my whole family is fairer than me”.

“When I used to go to Kerala for my vacations, somebody or the other would pop up the question, “Chitra (my mom) is she your daughter? How come you are fair and she’s so dark? Something has to be done, else when she grows up she won’t get a good guy and blah blah blah!”


And I used to think, shut the heck up . I used to keep mum and listen to all of this. At some point, my mom felt that something needs to be done.

She got some home remedies from her relatives and asked me to apply it on my face. I tried every shit, trust me. I applied Chickpea flour, some Ayurvedic oil, different scrubs and what not. And what happened, my skin got even worse as I have extremely sensitive skin. I started getting acne all over my face. By this time I think I was in my 11th grade. Going to school with all those acne used to be terrible. This went on till 12th.

Then came graduation. The phase of life where you expect people to be mature and not judge you solely based on your complexion. Alas, hope was lost there too. Life was miserable again.”

She reveals how It took her a lot of time to love herself and accept the way she looks.

ANUKRITI

Anukriti Shrivastava recollects her challenges of being dark skinned and tells us, “I was three or four years old when my grandmother came to visit us. She Looked at me in a horrible way and said – “Dolly (my mom)is she really your daughter? Why is this girl so black.”

I was a child but I broke into tears.”

Recollecting her childhood ordeals, Anukriti reveals how she used to be bullied at school due to her complexion.

” I used to sit alone. No one wanted to be my friend. Other children barely talked to me. When I was in 2nd standard, our whole school was busy with the preparations for our annual function. I also wanted to take part in it. But my class teacher refused to take me in the dance act, as she wanted only good looking and cute kids.

All these incidents turned me into an introvert and made me under confident. I became a girl who was forced to think that she was ugly and would never get her prince charming.”

She says it was her brother Priyansh who always made her feel beautiful and instilled confidence within her.

She concludes by saying “Those who matter in my life don’t care about my skin colour. And those who care about my skin colour don’t matter in my life”

Anukriti

AMIRTHA

Amirtha Govindraj recalls her experience and says “I am from Tamil Nadu, where the majority are dark-skinned but still get ridiculed for being dark.”

I was tired of phrases like “If you had been a bit lighter, you would look amazing “.

“Then comes the school phase, where guys used to tease other guys with me to insult each other. That’s how the schooling went. Girls behaved more or less the same way. I was good at studies, extracurricular activities and even received the best student award. Yet I was teased for my skin complexion. Many guys used to avoid talking to me as they felt it would lower their standards.

Due to the way I was treated during my childhood, consciously or unconsciously I developed an inferiority complex.

Eventually, I got rid of the thought considering my dark skin as a curse and started to rejoice my complexion. Even now many don’t consider me beautiful just because of my complexion.”

She concludes by saying that,” Dark skin is not something to be ashamed of.

Amirtha Govindraj

Do you feel dark-skinned people are unattractive?

Isn’t it sad that these girls underestimated themselves because society made them feel ugly? They are beautiful in their way and its high time we stop equating fairness with beauty. Beauty comes from within. Being compassionate, respectful, forgiving and kind is what makes a person beautiful. Who cares whether you are white, black or for that matter a shocking pink!

Why is there so much of obsession with having fair skin? DROP IN YOUR COMMENTS

Think Positive

Yesterday I went to my friend’s place for dinner.

I don’t have the habit of visiting my friends at their homes, so this was the first time that I went to her place , and that too only because her mother insisted.

There I saw her grandfather sitting in his wheelchair, smiling.

How difficult it must be for him now confined to his wheelchair. He is a retired army officer and must have been so fit and full of life during his youth.

The dinner was excellent. Before leaving, I went to him and asked him if it was difficult to be confined to a wheelchair.

He smiled , “I’m not confined to my wheelchair . On the contrary, am liberated by it. If it wasn’t for my wheelchair, I would be bound to my bed and never be able to leave my room .”

I was surprised. It gave me a lot to ponder over.

He could have been bitter about it.

He could have criticized or held negative thoughts regarding how his life has turned out to be but instead he CHOSE to think positive.

Thats when I realised, that having a positive perspective can make all the difference.

I decided to see good in everything. I have understood that I have the ability to make my life happier by choosing to keep my perspective positive.

Our thought process has a major role in deciding our feelings at any given point. Do you agree?

Weight loss : How I lost 12 kilos in 3 months

If you have landed here, it implies that you were searching articles to lose weight. The reason could be anything ranging from looking good, to wanting to become fitter or simply to avoid health issues. I am not going to write about the necessity of losing weight because we all know being overweight can pose a serious risk of developing health issues like diabetes , high blood pressure and other medical problems. You have clicked on this post because you want to shed some kilos and that’s exactly what I am going to help you with .

Lose weight without exercise

There is no denying that a combination of cardio and strength training is the best way to lose weight but what if you are somebody who hates exercising? Is there no way to lose weight without exercise? Viola, Good news ! I lost 12 kilos in three months without any exercise and you can do it too. I keep trying different diets to see what works for me. Unfortunately I am a lazy bum, who doesn’t like going to gym. So, I lost weight by diet modification and walking for an hour daily . Yes, its as simple as that. Walk and lose weight.

Lose 12 kilos in three months

There isn’t one universal method to lose weight. Some diets may work for you and some may not. So instead of starving or trying some crazy diet, we will just modify your food habits a bit. I did it and I lost weight. So, what’s the harm in trying? Here are a few pointers to remember.

  1. Walk for one hour every day without fail. (Jogging and running would yield better result but I told you, I am lazy, right?)
  2. No junk food. You know this, right? You didn’t expect to binge on burger and lose weight, Did you? So, no chips, no burger, no cold drinks, no french fries, no noodles.
  3. Strict no to sugar and refined flour (maida).
  4. No carbs for breakfast and dinner. Have proteins for breakfast.
  5. Replace sugar with stevia. You want to drink tea but cannot use sugar, right? That’s why use Stevia instead of sugar (please buy stevia, it will save you from putting on few extra kilos)
  6. Take Apple cider vinegar daily. Every Morning when you wake up, the first thing you should have is lemon water. (Lukewarm water + lemon+ Apple cider vinegar)

Weight loss pictures – From Fat to Fit

BEFORE

Sneha Narayanan Fat to fit
At 67 kilos

AFTER

Weight loss journey
Approx 55 Kgs

Weight loss diet chart

  1. Morning around 8 pm- Lukewarm Lemon water. Add a spoon of apple cider vinegar to it .
  2. Breakfast – After an hour of having lemon water, consume your breakfast. You can have boiled eggs or scrambled paneer or lentil crepe(dal dosa). Basically take proteins and not carbohydrates for breakfast. You will lose weight faster if you skip the egg yolks when you are having boiled eggs.
  3. Lunch – 1 Roti + sabzi + curd + dal ( Yes, only one roti. Don’t give me those looks! You want to lose weight, right? Then do not pile up on carbs). Eat veggies and curd everyday. If you are a non vegetarian, then you can have chicken instead of dal.
  4. Evening – soup/ green tea. I generally have spinach or tomato soup in the evening. Do not use cornflour while making soups please. Try making it using water, veggies and condiments. Yes, milk is permissible. You can have tea or coffee but not with sugar.
  5. Dinner – Proteins and veggies. Try having salad. Yes, make a salad of one cucumber and tomato and eat it for your dinner. Please don’t add corn or other carbohydrates in it. You can add paneer, you can add cheese, even butter, but no carbohydrates for dinner! If you are a non vegetarian , you can have tandoori chicken or grilled chicken for dinner every alternate day . If you don’t like salad, then eat something which has negligible carbs.

WEIGHT LOSS TRICK

A calorie deficit is required for weight loss. If you do not burn the amount of calories that you consume, you may gain weight. By decreasing your caloric intake you can create a calorie deficit and lose weight. But do not make it too low as it can reduce your metabolism.

Consume lot of fibre. A low-fiber diet may be compromising your weight loss efforts.

How I lost 11 kgs
Weight loss transformation

Which weight loss method has worked for you? Drop in your comments

The Sands of time

Hi, so we are back with another guest post ! Calm eyes, with a crazy soul, Patient mind with a restless heart, Can read minds but not books, can cry watching a movie, but not in love!

Lets welcome Nishant Gupta, a storyteller, poet and a business developer who was kind enough to submit a prose that he wrote as a guest post for our blog.

The sands of time

Your touch doesn’t feel the same..
the hugs have become love-less,
& the kisses, a formality !
but,
i never told you that because love for namesake,
was still better than the storm of heartbreak..


So, when the blankets that covered our two bodies slipped away from us, i moved an inch away from you & measured the distance between Love & us.
Every moment, we spend in the name of love, leaves my soul screaming so loud, that my mind is possessed by the ghosts of our golden days & I almost go deaf, until u look at me and ask if I’m okay.

My answer invaded the space between us & like the fallen blanket on the floor, your fingers slipped away from mine slowly,
then all at once,
&,
here I was,
measuring the distance between my breath & yours,
until you choked out of pity for a man who couldn’t love a woman, whom he grew up with, since they were 4 year old.
and I watched u leave like the leaves leaving their trees during the storm of winter.

I never told you this,
but I was mesmerised with your green eyes so much,
that even now,
when I see someone with green eyes,
I measure the distance between My heart and healing !!!

Drop in your comments and let us know if you liked it. For guest post submissions, you can contact me by commenting below.

Kabir Singh controversy and glorification of misogyny

Violent and misogynist? Does the character, Kabir Singh played by Shahid Kapoor, fit in this category? The answer is a reverberate and massive YES! I am not against showing misogyny in movies. I understand that not all movies are made for educational purposes, nor every movie needs to be morally correct. The only issue I have with this movie is, that it ended up normalising, in fact “glorifying” toxic relationship. How is it okay to justify violence against women in the name of ‘love’?

Okay, not only the hero but I also have issues with the heroine’s character. The woman is too demure, sometimes almost mute. All she does is ‘babying’ him in the movie. She lacks a backbone and is so gullible that it becomes irritating to watch her after a point, though the actress has done a good job.

JUSTIFICATION OF TOXIC MASCULINITY

Though the film is good in direction, screenplay and acting, it is the characterisation which is extremely problematic. Why is it so difficult for some people to understand that love should be liberating and not scary or overwhelming.

MISOGYNIST – Why I feel this movie is wrong on so many levels

There is a blatant glorification of misogyny and this movie tries to justify a sexist and toxic relationship. There should be mutual respect in a relationship. You do not own your partner. Your partner is your companion, not your property to slap her/him or decide whom she can talk to or be with friends with.

When the girl’s father refuses to accept him, he slaps her and leaves her crying and goes off giving an ultimatum. What would you do in such a case? Break his bones and break off with him, right? But here, she clings to him even more and begs him to not leave her! I know, totally bizarre!

I haven’t even come to the body-shaming part. He instructs her to be friends with only fat girls! Can somebody tell the director that Fat shaming is not cool? This character is so flawed and angry with the whole world that he doesn’t even behave properly with his family. And did I mention that he tries to sexually assault a girl in the opening scene itself?

KABIR SINGH BOX OFFICE COLLECTION

The Shahid Kapoor starrer has already crossed 200 Crore mark in just two weeks! It has become one of the highest-grossing films of 2019. The controversy around the film definitely helped it in raking huge numbers. As they say, negative publicity is also good publicity!

KABIR SINGH FILM CONTROVERSY

In an interview with Anupam Chopra, the director of this movie Sandeep Reddy said “When you are deeply in love and are connected to a woman, if you don’t have the liberty of slapping each other, then I don’t see anything there”. He further stated that the people who are complaining now have never experienced real love! Since then, the director has been trolled and criticised on social media.

Badminton player Jwala Gutta wrote, “Movie was a movie…but justifying physical abuse?? If u love someone u have the right to slap? Gosh…this guy needs to be shown all the love without physical hurt!! Pathetic!!”

Kubbra Sait took to twitter and instagram to share two videos, which take a dig on Sandeep Reddy Vanga’s statement. In one video, Kubbra is seen slapping herself. She wrote, “If you can’t love yourself, you haven’t really loved yourself.”

Sona Mohapatra in her tweet said, “Does the actor have no responsibility for choosing to play a part in a narrative that can set us back as a society? Is that all we have become? Creatures of ambition?” When some twitter user pointed out that she had sung an item song ‘Bedardi Raja’, Sona wrote, “U are the nth moron trying to make such a false equivalence. A woman singing lustily & celebrating her own sexuality isn’t likely to cause violence & isn’t the same thing as a man grabbing a woman without her consent, kissing her apart from several other such toxic masculine acts.”

The copyright of this poster belongs to the graphic artist/film maker/distributor.

Have you watched this movie? Drop in your comments. Would love to hear your views. Check this article from Hindustan Times in case you are interested in reading other reactions for his controversial statement. Click here .

Personal development

Let us talk about Personal development today. What does it mean? Is it about ensuring life long happiness or is it a way of growing? For me, Personal development is about growth and enhancement in various aspects of life along with self-acceptance. You have to be your first priority. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect others to?

I came across few lines by Joybell C and would like to share it with all of you. “The only person who can pull me down is myself and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore. You may be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment you use to criticize yourself is a moment of your life wasted and thrown away.

We have also been featured in Feedspot’s Top 100 Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs To Follow in 2019. If you run a Blog, News Website or a Youtube Channel, you can Email your website link at anuj@feedspot.com to know more.


Who are your favourite motivational bloggers? Mine would be
Zen Habits ( zenhabits.net ) and Mark Manson ( https://markmanson.net/ ) . If you are interested in Indian author, then do not forget to check Robin Sharma’s blog. (http://www.robinsharma.com/blog/ )

Drop in your comments and do not forget to check this link and let me know, who is your favourite from this list !

https://blog.feedspot.com/personal_development_blogs/

Let go of your worries- Don’t carry them forward

Stress is not just a feeling. Everyone experiences stress at some point or the other and the fact that coping with stress isn’t something we were taught in school, leads to perfect recipie for being tensed and unhappy. Today I will tell you a story that I read somewhere few years back.

Once upon a time a psychology professor walked around on a stage while teaching stress management principles to an auditorium filled with students. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the typical “glass half empty or glass half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, the professor asked, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?”

Students shouted out answers ranging from eight ounces to a couple pounds.

She replied, “From my perspective, the actual weight of this glass doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light. If I hold it for half an hour straight, its weight might make my arm ache a little. If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up . In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.”

As the class shook their heads in agreement, she continued, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed – incapable of doing anything else .

Moral of the Story is, It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses and worries. No matter what happens during the day, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the night and into the next day with you. If you still feel the weight of yesterday’s stress, it’s a strong sign that it’s time to put the glass down.

Liked this article? Have anything to share? Drop in your comments.