STOP Chasing Confidence

I have always been an under-confident girl in my childhood. In some ways, I still am. The “Stop Being Shy ” and ‘Be Confident’ advice from my parents, friends and teachers didn’t help me one bit. I have always been an introvert, feel drained while talking to people and always feel recharged when alone.

I think we need to stop chasing self confidence. Of course it’s nice to be a bold and confident woman who is life of every party, but what if you ain’t cut for it?

Let’s stop being critical and become compassionate. The pressure to be above average, if not something unique, is daunting. We need to be kind to others and ourselves too.

Don’t let anyone bully you. Don’t give others a chance to decide for you. And most importantly, Do not let anyone treat you like shit or demean you.

Do things which make you happy. If you like reading novels, read them. If you are fond of swimming , then do it. Do things which make you happy. And most importantly respect yourself. Atleast for me, Self respect and self compassion holds more importance.

Published by

Sneha

Sneha is an award-winning blogger and has also been featured in Deccan Chronicle newspaper. She left her job at IBM India to venture into blogging in 2018. This blog is India's Feminist and Personal Development blog for women and focuses on self-improvement and self-acceptance.

89 thoughts on “STOP Chasing Confidence”

  1. I am quite the introvert, shy and silent type since childhood and still one in today’s adulting phase. People keep telling to be bold but what matters doing things that slowly help us to affirm your identity. Very courageous of you to write and with so much honesty, Sneha. Keep it up!

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Exactly! Just bcz we are introverts doesn’t mean we are sad, lonely or have no friends. Just that we feel exhausted going to parties and socializing all day. I would any day prefer to be in my home, inside my razaai, with a novel.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have never gone to any party other than the formal army ones that too with my parents. I just can’t socialise with ppl. I any day prefer being in my cozy home tucked inside my blanket with my fave novel 😛

        Like

  2. Great read and very relatable. I was very shy growing up and definelty an introvert, I still am in a sense. Over the years I’ve grown out of it but I am still reserved when around certain individuals. Keep up the good work

    Liked by 3 people

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  4. Nicely expressed thoughts and views Sneha.
    It’s nice that you are open about it…I am a shy and a bit of a loner too.
    Yes it’s important that we respect people for what they are and let them be.
    Your opening up which is simply great!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you 🙂 This means a lot.
      Exactly, we need to stop being judgemental and accept people the way they are .
      Thank you aunty for taking out time to read my blog, for writing a comment and encouraging me . Much love 🙂

      Like

  5. Totally agree with you. My son is the same and for many years we would pester him to go out & meet people. All that probably imposed greater pressure on him. Better sense has now prevailed on us ( foolish parents). He is happier & more composed now. Thanks for your insight. Stay blessed always.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for taking out time to read my blog and give your feedback. Absolutely, that’s what use to happen with me. My parents, though absolutely wonderful and loving, could never understand why I am so shy and a loner as both of them are extroverts . And as a result, I always felt different and odd-one-out. Now , I have just accepted myself the way I am.

      Like

  6. Well said Sneha! Whether a person is an introvert or extrovert, shy or bold etc etc what is to be understood is that human being is a creation of nature’s forces and environment both internally and externally over which it has not control. Therefore, like you said, love yourself as you are and love others as they are

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You have put it across so beautifully. Absolutely. Infact Introverts  value their space, so they tend to naturally respect that of others. What is important is to stop being judgemental and to accept people the way they are.

      Like

  7. Every human being, rather every living being is UNIQUE !
    Since there is no assembly line production.. hence there is no question of conformity..!
    Conformity/comparison with peers.. is OPTIONAL !
    Learn to be comfortable in your own skin.. as the creator made ‘YOU’ !
    Cherish & live every single moment the maker (the Almighty..) has blessed you with..!
    That.. is the best way you can Re-Pay “Him” for this priceless ‘Gift’ ! 👃

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Life is short. Do whatever makes you happy. Only ensure your happiness does not come at the cost of other’s happiness…well expressed

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Dear Sneha,
    You have very correctly brought out the solution to such a complex issue with such simplicity…
    The biggest challenge in our life is to get disturbed and disheartened about what others have to say or think about us..
    However as you said.. we need to start loving and respecting ourselves and not bother about others’ opinion..
    Right way to go 👍👍👍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You have penned it down beautifully. Absolutely, we need to stop being judgemental and start accepting people the way they are- with their flaws and imperfection. Self -acceptance is crucial.

      Like

  10. Well said Sneha.If one were to follow this thought process it would actually lead to the elusive mental contentment.
    Regards. Aravind.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Sneha..felt good about reading your post. Many of us share the same feelings as we grow up. Love yourself for who you are. We only have one life and we must lead it to the fullest. Cheers to life

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, we need to stop being judgemental and start accepting people the way they are, that is, with their flaws and imperfection. Self -acceptance is crucial.

      Like

  12. Wat you think of yourself is more important than Wat people think of you.
    You may become a ‘Warren Buffet’ but if you have not been yourself it’s not worth it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So true. That’s why Self -love is crucial. I came across few lines by Joybell which is apt for this – “You may be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment you use to criticize yourself is a moment of your life wasted”

      Like

  13. Very well said. It is a very difficult subject which you have simply expressed. Be yourself that is nice. Keep writing. Like to read them.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. A lot of us passed thru the same stage. Essense is to insulate one from external influence and opinions and listen to your heart. Caring too much about what other will say, will make life miserable. It’s human nature to be influenced by what others will say, as we are social beings by nature. Work towards learning to ignore and one can fine peace and balance.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Very well articulated views, Sneha. Actually your honest views on this issue reflect your tremendous inner confidence. I appreciate your deep understanding of this complex human dimension. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Written with simplicity and depth, the words come from the heart. Your piece is both honest and sensitive…keep writing and sharing Sneha.

    Liked by 2 people

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  19. “What others will say” has been in our mind for ages… but I think at one stage we ignore this after years of experience…
    You just expressed it in simple way… Keep it this way always…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I have been told that I should go out and meet people and talk more as well. It never worked for me. I was also told that I would grow out of being shy. That never happened. I am 29 and still feel drained of energy when talking to people.
    My day job requires me to talk to people. When I’m not working, I spend my time at home avoiding people. I have accepted it’s who I am. I would rather be watching tv and spending time with my puppy. If I do need company, it is only with one person.
    I am glad I am not alone

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly. I have always been told to go out and try to make friends. It just doesn’t work for me because I am not someone who can be pally or just cling to anyone. I need to know someone really well to even imagine to start a convo with him/her. People need to accept others the way they are.

      P.S – Even am 29 ! Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Actually, for a lot of people, it’s not who they are. I understand that stress can cause people to find their identity in secluded ways. And for those who are naturally shy or introverted, or simply find alone time more natural, that makes sense, but finding one’s own interests in whatever one enjoys is natural too. I think the difficulty is not finding the joy which should be a part of life, in whatever capacity.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes. I wasn’t always shy. It built over time after I lost friends, my body changed and I started being bullied. That is when it became a part of me. I now don’t do well with many people. I only like the company of certain people

        Liked by 1 person

  21. Life is difficult. Hopefully, with time, each person better understands their own personal circumstances, then takes on the challenges of life in a positive way. Like many, I have had my own challenges, then I’ve decided, with time, to look forward to the future.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. To some degree, I think we have been taught to overthink everything. While awareness and education about circumstances is good, I have met people who seem completely emersed in their situations. We understand, some have gone through very trying times, and we hope for them and support their efforts. But many, when they see positive opportunities, pull back and stay in their difficult times, and we wish they would look beyond and what can be. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s a choice we have to make inside. I have known people who have gone through what would “emotionally destroy” many, but came through with hope and determination, love and direction.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. One thing. With good intentions, people have encouraged others to examine their feelings and look for their identities. I explained to one individual while talking with a friend (His store). You don’t have to find yourself. You’re right there. Now, work hard, take care of family, and the rest will work itself. It’s called life. We never have the whole picture, just one day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

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